Why Me? Why Not Me?

Why me? Why not me? In different situations in my life I would find myself asking one of the preceding questions. Why do they pick on me? Why am I not a cooler person? Why am I not invited? Why am I still single? I know that I am not the only person who asked at least one of these questions or one of the like.

Living in a very self-centred and self serving society, it is way too easy to create a habit of asking these types of questions daily. Why didn’t I get that promotion? Why did it have to be my car that broke down? With all of our ipads, iphones and ipods, it’s no wonder we are unknowingly sucked it our own little world where the main attraction is us. It is drilled into us just by the names of our everyday devices.

Now, I will admit that I am guilty of being sucked into my own little world. If I am listening to music or playing on my phone, in order to have a coherent conversation with me, you need to have my full attention before you start talking. I bet none of you are like that though, but you may have a friend like that.*wink*

But technology is not the only way we are self-centred. We can develope an attitude of entitlement. We believe that we deserve something, pray selfishly for it (yes there is such a thing) or try to obtain it in our own strength and then get disappointed when it doesn’t happen or we don’t get it. For many many years, ever since I was a young girl, I wanted to get married and raise a family. That was all that I wanted in life. Well, that and to become an actor. At the rate I’m going currently, becoming an actor is more likely.

Here is where the selfish prayer comes in. I prayed to get married because I wanted someone to hug me and tell me they loved me. Now don’t get me wrong, I grew up in a loving family and was often told how much I was loved, but there is just something about a man telling a woman that he loves her, that seems more magical. Must be all the fairytales and disney movies I watched. I wanted a fairytale romance.

I remember when I turned 18, I told my parents that if a guy were to ask me out, I would be ready to say yes. (just so we are clear, I hadn’t turned anyone down before this, no one had asked me out but this was my way of saying “come on God”) Well a week went by and nothing happened. I didn’t have guys lining outside my door waiting to confess their love for me. A month, and still nothing. Then a year passed and then 2 years. And then finally 5 and a half years! Why Me? Why do have to wait so long?

Without realising it, I had centred my life on finding a husband. As though that was the most important thing in the world. Not trusting God, I had come to resent that fact that I was still single and had started to complain about my current relationship status. I remember praying one night and saying, “I don’t know what you are doing. I don’t know what you have planned but I am not happy right now.” Then I started to list all the reasons why I thought I deserved to get married. As if I had any right to be telling God, the creator of all, how he should be doing his job.

I was wallowing in self pity. But God was not going to leave it that way. Shortly after this, two people spoke into my life and it completely changed my point of view. One was best friend. I was telling her how it wasn’t fair because all I wanted in life was to get married and raise a family. I wasn’t asking for much. It should be really simple. She replied with this simple yet wise statement that I will never forget, “You may want something simple, but maybe God wants something bigger for you” In getting so caught up with what I wanted for my life, I had lost sight of what God has in store for me.

Step one: refocus. I had to refocus my sights on the Lord.

The second person was a lady at church. While praying for me she said that there was something I needed to repent from. That God doesn’t give second best and where I am right now, is where He wants me.

Step two: repent.

I had spoken harshly to God out of selfishness and had been extremely discontented with where I was. The cool thing about God is that he doesn’t hold our mistakes against us. So once I had asked for forgiveness, He started afresh within me.

Now, instead of asking, “Why am I still single?” I ask, “What can I do for you because I am single?” And, “How do you want me to spend my time as a single person?”

I won’t lie, it has been a really tough journey. I still get the shadows of that feeling of loneliness, but because of what God is doing within me, I am so much happier. I have refocused my life to focus less on me and my problems and more on the God who is so much bigger.

This applicable in any situation no matter your walk of life. God cares. He has a plan. While it may look different than what we want or imagine, He will never disappoint.

I hope you will be encouraged through my story and may your journey shifting your focus onto God be a rewarding one.

Many Blessings

Princess Warrior Maid

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By the Grace of God… My Story.

I decided for this post to be about my story. My testimony. In the past I have shared my testimony with different groups and people and each time it has changed slightly. That’s because God is always doing something new in my life. However the thing that has always remained the same is his grace. His undeserved love and favour. I mess up all the time (hard to believe I know) but he always shows mercy amd extends his grace towards me when I repent. So this is my tetimony of what God’s grace has done in my life. 
God’s grace has always been present in my life. That’s not to say that my life has been easy because of it. Quite the opposite actually. But the experiences and blessings because of my faith in Him have been worth the struggle. I was raised in a loving Christian home. I knew who Jesus was and what He had done for me. But I learned later that knowing and believing are two different things. In primary school I was a target for bullying. A lot of what was said to me and about me back then stuck with me long through my teen years. I struggled with knowing who I was as a person. Who I was as the Lord’s masterpiece. I gave my heart to the Lord when I was 12 at a GetSmart Conference. (youth conference) I felt that I was ready to make the decision for myself to follow Jesus with my whole heart. This was the beginning of a very bumpy journey as God would start to reshape my life as I allowed Him. (He is gentleman, He won’t go where He is not wanted) Over the next couple of years I felt as though I struggled to fit in. I suffered social anxiety and felt socially awkward. While I had a few friends who truly cared, I was blinded by lies the enemy was whispering to me. “You are not good enough, pretty enough cool enough. You are not enough.” Lies.
At Easter Camp 2012/13 (huge youth camp with 5000 youth from different churches) at one of the afternoon optional sessions, God spoke to me through one of my youth leaders saying that there was a stake in my life holding me back from being free. (One of the speakers had told a story about how elephants in India are trained. When they are babies, they are tied to a stake in the ground and because they are so little, when the tug at in to try and get free, they can’t move it. So when they grow up and are still tied to the stake, though they have the strength to move massive tree trunks, they still believe that they cannot move that stake. They don’t even try) Now whether this stake in my life, whatever it was, had mades its home within me and was consuming me inside. Sounds morbid I know but that’s the only way I can describe it. I prayed about it for the rest of the day asking God to show me what was holding me back from being free to be me. He eventually revealed to me through a long buried memory of an incident at school where a fellow classmate had told me that she didn’t like me because of my “personality”. Little did I know that these words would take root in my heart and for the majority of my teen years, I would be shaping and judging myself based on those words. After praying with my leader and a nothing short of miraculous release, the pesky demon that had been whispering lies to me for years, was finally gone. I saw his claws be ripped from my heart and angel of the Lord dragged him back to Hell where he belongs. Sounds crazy I know but God showed me this as a form of closure. I am no longer a slave to those lies. Has my life been easy since then? No. Of course not because I am still human. I still get insecure but I know to recognise those feelings as lies and I pray as soon as they come. 
Now, did I deserve this favour from God? No. He is God. My creator. God of the universe. But He shows us his love by giving His Son, Jesus, to pay the price we would have had to pay for our sins. Death and eternal separation from God. He made me worthy of that Grace, that favour by paying the price I should have paid. 
I encourage you to take a moment to reflect or pray if you feel so inclined, on your life and see if you can see God’s fingerprints. Even the littlest things such as catching a glimpse of a gorgeous sunset are ways that God is telling you, “I love you just the way you are”.

I hope you enjoyed this bit of insight into my life and feel encouraged.  
Many Blessings 

~ Princess Warrior Maid

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The Walls

​This is a little something I was inspired with while going for a walk this afternoon. I had to walk past and dodge some over grown hedges. I had a sudden thought, “What if hedges ate people alive?” Pretty morbid and creepy I know, but I wanted to see what would happen so I just started writing and this is what came out. Hope you enjoy. 😄

Stay away from the walls. They are ravenous beasts, swallowing everything in their paths. You think you are comfortable, you think you are safe, just sitting there in the background. But that’s what they want you to think. You are far from safe my friend. The walls are hungry. They crave insecurity. They feed off it. How else do they become strong? Don’t blend in. Don’t be a wallflower. As soon as you become that, they have you forever. Your freedom will not be so easy to achieve. Stand out. Be you. Don’t let anyone put you in a corner. Stand up, push back and declare “No! This is who I am”.
I hope you enjoyed this. Its a bit different from what I normally write but I thought I may as well give it go. 

Never be afraid to be you!! You are perfect the way you are!! 💜

Many Blessings

Princess Warrior Maid

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The Cry From Deep Within.

We have been living in Dunedin for just over a month now (yay). It is such a beautiful city with gorgeous, rugged, untouched beaches, amazing old buildings and friendly people wherever you go. I have joined an adults acting class as a way to meet new people and to get back into doing what I love. I have taken to going for runs a couple of times a week. It is no easy feat either because we live in an area up on a hill so the terrain is extremely challenging. Yay for cardio and everyday is leg day!

Despite being happy with the change, trying new things and enjoying a bit of down time, I have had a bit of a rough time seeing where and what God is leading me to. The other night I was praying and I felt that I couldn’t quite put into words what I wanted to say. So I decided to write down what I was feeling and thinking at the time. I thought I would share it with you so that you may know that everyone goes through hard patches and that no one is alone in this walk. So sit back, relax and I pray that this speaks to you.

 

A downward spiral is dragging me down with it. Where do I go? Where can I turn? Who will listen? After being a listening ear for so long to others, when is it my turn? Who will listen? Who will hear? I do the things I don’t want to do and don’t do the things I want to. It’s backwards. When fear engulfs me, where are the arms to hold me? The strong arms to comfort me and tell me everything will be ok. The morning is coming. The light is on its way. Just when I think the end of the spiral is coming and I see light, it is only a window and I soon fly by as thought it weren’t there at all. I don’t know where I am going. I don’t know what I am doing. And I am scared.

What if my dreams don’t come true? What if I don’t accomplish all I set out to do? What if I am forever alone? What would become of me? Is there a future in that? Would you still love me? Would you still care? If I call out to you, would you listen? Would you hear? Would the cry of my heart move yours? Would you remember me? Would I have a place with you? Could it be that I always have? Could it be that in a moment of weakness I turned my ear away from your voice? Could it be that in my “busy” life, I forgot to ask you to be a part of it? When I ask these things, I know them to be true.

Would you take me back after that? Would you help me not to make the same mistakes again? And when I do, would you take me back again? I have heard that this is true. Please help me to believe and see. Please help me to see the truth of your forgiveness and grace. May you wash away my fears and failures and teach me to accept your forgiveness and believe you have forgiven me. May you continue to ride this life with me. Not a downwards spiral, but a journey that is different than others. It is never over, not until you deem so.

Many Blessings

~Princess Warrior Maid

 

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For I know the plans….

Something God has been speaking to me about lately is his plan for me. I mean, he doesn’t sit me down and say, “Okay Sarah, here is what’s going to happen”. I wish he would do that but no. He constantly reminds me that my ways and and plans are not his ways.

2 and a half years ago I found out that family was moving cities for Dad’s job. Of course after spending 14 years in this city I did not want to move. I didn’t want to leave my job, my friends or my “home”. I was determined to do what I could to stay. I planned to go flatting with friends and start study while working part time. I had it all figured out. See that was my plan. God had a different plan. All my “genius” plans fell through and the only option left was to move with my family.

I moved begrudgingly and missed my home town terribly for a long time. I didn’t want to really give a new life here  a go till I got bored out of my mind.  I started volunteering at an aviation museum, met new people and started learning new skills. About 8 months later I got a job at an optometrists which one year later I am still there and love it.  If I had stayed in my home town,  I would not have had the opportunities to grow and learn more about myself as I have had here. I believe through obedience  (however reluctant) The Lord has used this move to shape me more into who he has called me to be.

However the story is not over yet. 3 weeks ago, my dad got another job at the other end of the country. We now have to move again. You think I would have learned from the first move that just because I make plans, doesn’t mean God is going cooperate. ( think again) Again, I wanted to stay, go flatting with my new friends, get involved in church and stay in my job. However after a week of stubborn debates with God and me not budging, I decided to give God an ultimatum  (don’t do it!!!) If he wants me to move, he was going to have to change my heart because i was determined to stay. 2 days later I was sold on moving. (What a sick sense of humour God has!) My family and I are now 1 week and 2 days away from our biggest move yet. (Notice how I say “yet” and not “ever”)

A few verses that have been playing through my mind have been Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you” declares the Lord, “plans not to harm you but to give you hope and future.”

And

Proverbs 16:9 A man place a his way but the Lord determines his steps.

I hope that through this story of mine, you will see that though you may have high hopes for yourself or others may have big plans for your future, God’s plan is bigger than that. He sees the bigger picture and He knows what is best for you because He loves you. And please learn from mistake not to give God an ultimatum and don’t be as stubborn!!

Many Blessings

~ Princess Warrior Maid

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Like a Child

I discovered a couple of weeks ago that The Donut Man’s music is on Spotify. For those who don’t know who He is, it may not be as exciting as it is for me (you should look him up though) but I grew up listening to his music and watching his videos. It is kind of like the Christian version of Barney. It is set in an after school care environment with singing and life lessons learned through the teaching of Jesus.

Though I have not listened to his music for many years, I remembered the songs and was quite surprised that the songs I listened to, brought me to tears and spoke to me where I am at in my life right now. Exactly what I needed to hear, I heard in those songs. God speaks to us in ways that only he can and on a level that our puny little human minds can comprehend. For me, it just so happened to be children’s songs from my childhood. He reminded me to have faith like a child.

I think when most of us hear that statement, we think of grown adults walking around acting like children and being immature. This picture is not biblical. We are called to be mature Christians with childlike faith.

 – 1 Corinthians 13:11                                          

– Ephesians 4:14-15                                          

– Luke 18:17                                                      

 -Matthew  19:14

So, how are we to be mature and childlike at the same time? What are some key traits that children have that we do not have as adults?

 – No real concept of fear.                            

 – Unwavering trust in those they are in the care of.                                                          

 – They love unconditionally                        

 – They have a huge amount of faith and believe what they are told.

I believe that these are some of the key traits Jesus wanted in our lives when he said to be like a child. To love others unconditionally, to be courageous in tough times, to put our full trust in the Lord Jesus and to walk in faith and believe in Him.

As you go about your week I pray that the Lord will guide your heart to a place you can learn to “be like a child”.

Many Blessings

~ Princess Warrior Maid

 

 

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Human Limitations on a Limitless God.

A mistake we make a lot as humans, is putting God into a little box that we can understand. We try to justify what he does or doesn’t do based on our own limited human understanding and morals. In the same way we also judge and condemn God based on this understanding.

What we need to fully understand and accept is that God is God! He is THE higher being, He knows all, He sees all, He created all. There are not enough words in our vocabulary nor any so eloquent to describe him perfectly.

I think people place human limitations on God based on their belief that God makes things happen. While that may be true to a certain extent (new stars created, sun setting, sun rising) God doesn’t make people do things. I find it very interesting that when God created man and woman, he instructed them on what they could and couldn’t do. If he had created  beings who obeyed every instruction without being told, he wouldn’t have had to have given them those specific instructions. This is the first sign that he had given us free will. While he knows what we do or say before we do or say it, he still gives us the choice whether we will go through with it. Psalm 139:2-4. His plan can work with whatever we throw at him!

But because of the mistake that Eve made in the garden of Eden by disobeying God, sin came into the world. Along with sin came disease, pain, weeds and I am pretty sure spiders too!! Genesis 1:16-29. Read the whole story of creation to get the full background on it! Compared to the original punishment (death) they were let off pretty easy.

We cannot blame God for bad things happening. Because of the first mistake,  ALL bad things came to be, because of human error, not the hand of God. Don’t get me wrong, I believe he is in control of everything, he just doesn’t make things happen.  God is a God of love, creation and beauty. He cannot make bad things happen because sin, pain and destruction did not come into the world by God’s hand, but man’s.

You want to hold God responsible for something? Hold him responsible for creating this beautiful world, the amazing creatures in it and You. You are his masterpiece. Not a mistake, not an accident but a wonderfully made and loved person! Acknowledge him for being responsible for that! Psalm 139:14

Many Blessings

Princess Warrior Maid

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