I decided for this post to be about my story. My testimony. In the past I have shared my testimony with different groups and people and each time it has changed slightly. That’s because God is always doing something new in my life. However the thing that has always remained the same is his grace. His undeserved love and favour. I mess up all the time (hard to believe I know) but he always shows mercy amd extends his grace towards me when I repent. So this is my tetimony of what God’s grace has done in my life.
God’s grace has always been present in my life. That’s not to say that my life has been easy because of it. Quite the opposite actually. But the experiences and blessings because of my faith in Him have been worth the struggle. I was raised in a loving Christian home. I knew who Jesus was and what He had done for me. But I learned later that knowing and believing are two different things. In primary school I was a target for bullying. A lot of what was said to me and about me back then stuck with me long through my teen years. I struggled with knowing who I was as a person. Who I was as the Lord’s masterpiece. I gave my heart to the Lord when I was 12 at a GetSmart Conference. (youth conference) I felt that I was ready to make the decision for myself to follow Jesus with my whole heart. This was the beginning of a very bumpy journey as God would start to reshape my life as I allowed Him. (He is gentleman, He won’t go where He is not wanted) Over the next couple of years I felt as though I struggled to fit in. I suffered social anxiety and felt socially awkward. While I had a few friends who truly cared, I was blinded by lies the enemy was whispering to me. “You are not good enough, pretty enough cool enough. You are not enough.” Lies.
At Easter Camp 2012/13 (huge youth camp with 5000 youth from different churches) at one of the afternoon optional sessions, God spoke to me through one of my youth leaders saying that there was a stake in my life holding me back from being free. (One of the speakers had told a story about how elephants in India are trained. When they are babies, they are tied to a stake in the ground and because they are so little, when the tug at in to try and get free, they can’t move it. So when they grow up and are still tied to the stake, though they have the strength to move massive tree trunks, they still believe that they cannot move that stake. They don’t even try) Now whether this stake in my life, whatever it was, had mades its home within me and was consuming me inside. Sounds morbid I know but that’s the only way I can describe it. I prayed about it for the rest of the day asking God to show me what was holding me back from being free to be me. He eventually revealed to me through a long buried memory of an incident at school where a fellow classmate had told me that she didn’t like me because of my “personality”. Little did I know that these words would take root in my heart and for the majority of my teen years, I would be shaping and judging myself based on those words. After praying with my leader and a nothing short of miraculous release, the pesky demon that had been whispering lies to me for years, was finally gone. I saw his claws be ripped from my heart and angel of the Lord dragged him back to Hell where he belongs. Sounds crazy I know but God showed me this as a form of closure. I am no longer a slave to those lies. Has my life been easy since then? No. Of course not because I am still human. I still get insecure but I know to recognise those feelings as lies and I pray as soon as they come.
Now, did I deserve this favour from God? No. He is God. My creator. God of the universe. But He shows us his love by giving His Son, Jesus, to pay the price we would have had to pay for our sins. Death and eternal separation from God. He made me worthy of that Grace, that favour by paying the price I should have paid.
I encourage you to take a moment to reflect or pray if you feel so inclined, on your life and see if you can see God’s fingerprints. Even the littlest things such as catching a glimpse of a gorgeous sunset are ways that God is telling you, “I love you just the way you are”.
I hope you enjoyed this bit of insight into my life and feel encouraged.
~ Princess Warrior Maid